He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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