my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
