Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
