im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
