Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
