I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
