Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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