fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
