so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
