I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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