the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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