careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
