don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
