i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Found the puke drawer
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Randomize
