i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
