you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
