Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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