question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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