i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
