Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
