Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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