Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
