So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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