Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
