Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
