youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
