I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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