No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The feeling are messing with the penis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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