so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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