Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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