I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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