we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
