We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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