nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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