apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
