just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I am midnight drunk by noon
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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