I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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