Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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