I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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