uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
