I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
