In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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