I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
