# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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