I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
