We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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