nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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