Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
