He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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