it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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