i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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