wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
